Return to Innocence
by yogurtpo3
Summary: When Barney is found after disappearing for a week, the gang finds him changed in a way they could never have imagined.
1. Found

**Breaking the Barriers**

_Images of broken light which dance before me like a million eyes  
__That call me on and on across the universe  
__Thoughts meander like a restless wind inside a letterbox  
__They tumble blindly as they make their way across the universe  
__...Nothing's going to change my world_

_- The Beatles, Across the Universe._

* * *

"Mr. Mosby? This is the New York Police Department. We're calling in regards to Mr. Stinson... he's been found."

_Barney. Missing. Police. Hurt. Dead. _

The words whipped past Ted's thoughts in a blind flurry and deafened him to the rest of the conversation. He could feel his own heart pounding in his chest, driving the pulsating sound into his ear. Barney was not on a top secret business trip. Barney was not having a week long sex orgy at some tropical island. Barney was not being awesome. Barney was less than awesome... he may not even be alive.

"Mr. Mosby?"

Hearing his own name interrupted the panicked thoughts.

"Is... is he okay?" Ted managed to stammer out.

A pause, one that too readily answered Ted's question.

"He's alive. They found him in New Jersey. He's at a hospital there, the address is-"

Ted quickly took down the address before hanging up. Grabbing his wallet and the nearest coat, he raced out the door, fingers speed dialing Marshall.

* * *

Barney had been missing for a week. Last time they had seen him, he had just finished talking on his mobile, his face pale white, features appearing spooked as if he had just seen a ghost.

"What's up?" Ted had asked, expecting some sort of crazy story, possibly concerning bimbos making a pact to stay virgins until marriage or something of the sort (this WAS Barney).

"Nnn.. nothing," Barney had stammered instead, before visibly masking his expression and straightening his posture. "Important international business. Anyhow, gotta go amigos," he bid farewell before exiting the entrance in a hurry.

That had been last Friday, and they hadn't heard from him since. From that night to Sunday they hadn't really noticed, it wasn't unusual for Barney to disappear for a couple of days. By Monday they had become suspicious, as Marshall hadn't seen him at work and his phone wasn't picking up. On Tuesday, Marshall had confirmed Barney was not at work and that his secretary had no idea where he was, meaning he wasn't on any usual business trips (highly classified ones though, were fair game). By Wednesday, Barney's panic stricken expression was deeply etched into Ted's mind and they had decided to report his disappearance to the police. Now, two long stressful worrisome days filled with nightmares of his friend lying dead besides a gutter later, they had found him.

* * *

The four of them quickly met up and shared a cab to New Jersey. It felt like one of the longest rides Ted had ever been on. Last time he had gotten a similar call concerning Barney, it was only less than 100m from his room to the emergency department. This time it was a two hour ride. The four friends kept silent, no one quite knowing what to say. A few times someone would try to diffuse the tense atmosphere, but aside from a few grunts and clearing of the throat, no one managed to form a single word. Ted leapt off the cab almost as soon as it stopped, leaving the others to sort out the fee. Racing through the door of the main building, he almost slammed himself into the receptionist's desk.

"I'm here about Barney Stinson? I'm Ted Mosby."

The receptionist looked up at him in surprise, before pointing him over to a nearby police officer. The others had also made their way in by that time, and the four of them hurried over to approach the officer.

"Ted Mosby?" the officer asked as soon as he saw them.

Ted nodded, quickening his pace.

"How is he? How's Barney?"

"He's currently in surgery. He was found by a couple on the side of a highway leading in from the woods. He... was in pretty bad shape. The doctors will let us know more when they can."

Ted nodded, a numb ache seeming to paralyze his senses. Semi-consciously, he could feel Lily dragging him to a nearby chair and sitting him down. He could feel Marshall beside him, rubbing his back, Marshall's own tremor wrecked hand vibrating through his shirt and skin. His mind only had one thought. Please let Barney be fine. Please let Barney be okay.

And so, they waited.

* * *

An eternity seemed to have passed before a doctor approached them, eyes red from exhaustion, a grimace on his face. "Barney Stinson?" he inquired of them, and they all stood up at once to greet him.

"Yes, I'm Ted Mosby, his emergency contact," Ted quickly announced, "and these are-"

"We're his family," Robin cut in, "How's Barney?"

The doctor paused, studying them briefly before looking down onto a chart in his hand.

"Mr Stinson's surgery went well, and he's been placed in the ICU for close monitoring until his vitals stabilize. We were forced to remove his spleen as it was irreparably damaged. He had been bleeding internally and was suffering from shock when he was brought in. Added on to dehydration, we had to give him a blood transfusion to stabilize his blood pressure. We're currently closely monitoring his fluids and trying to bring his blood pressure back to the normal ranges. He also had several broken ribs, so we've put him on a ventilator to help him breathe. His left arm was extensively damaged, with a dislocation at the elbow and numerous fractures to his forearm. We repaired the joint and set the bones back in place, and we're hopeful with physiotherapy, his arm will eventually regain full function."

The doctor paused as Ted's stomach did a flip flop and he felt his legs turning to jelly. His hand reached out to the nearby wall to support himself as the doctor continued.

"Extensive lacerations and bruising were found on over 60% of his body, and especially on his back. Many of the wounds have been infected and he is running a fever. We've currently put him on a strong broad spectrum antibiotic to fight off the infection. We were unable to close all of the wounds due to infection as well as the extensive width of some, so we'll be monitoring them closely before deciding on the next step. Some should be able to be stitched up once the infection clears. Others we'll need to see if healing commences by itself, or whether grafting will be required. Either way, it's too premature to know at this point in time. We also found several small burns, possibly from a cigarette, on some rather sensitive parts of his body, including the back of his knees and inner thighs, as well as several deep cuts on the soles of his feet. We've treated those as best as we can and they should heal with time." The doctor stopped again as he flipped the page on Barney's chart.

"Is...is that all?" Marshall stammered, voice wavering.

The doctor nodded. "He also has a mild concussion but that should clear up without intervention. We're unable to monitor his mental function until he wakes up. However, because of the blood loss and shock we are unable to administer any morphine at this point in time, so it is best to keep him sedated for now. Once his blood pressure is back to normal then we can see about slowly waking him up," he finished.

Ted felt the room around him zone out, as if he had physically drifted away outside of himself. All he could think of in this moment was that this could not be real. This person the doctor was describing could not be Barney. His heart refused to believe this was Barney. And yet, his mind kept reminding him otherwise. Beside him, he was vaguely aware of Lily sobbing, and Marshall retching into a nearby bin. Robin's shaky voice broke him back into reality.

"When can we see him?"

* * *

Tubes. There were too many tubes. That was Ted's first thought upon entering the room where he was told his friend ("best friend" a familiar voice echoed in his mind) was laying, suffering, fighting for his life. They had been given permission to visit, just briefly, one at a time, by the head nurse at the ICU. Ted had been elected to be first in to see Barney by default, though he did catch a brief challenging stare from Robin as Lily pushed him towards the door. Now, he found himself almost regretting the privilege as he took in the cold surroundings, the only sign of life being the steady beeping of the heart monitor. No, he reprimanded himself, he couldn't be selfish like this. Barney needed him right now, he needed him to be there. Closing his eyes and taking a deep breath to calm the nervous fluttering that had taken hold of his stomach, Ted finally summoned up the courage to take a proper look at his friend. Barney was pale... not just pale, so pale that Ted felt he was just one thin layer away from seeing right through his skin. His short blonde hair usually so immaculately styled up was flopping softly onto his forehead, which had a large bandage taped on the side, dark bruising peeking past the edges. Barney's eyes were taped shut, and Ted could see a tube going down Barney's mouth, breathing for him. Ted shuddered slightly at the thought that a machine was currently breathing for his friend. Scanning downwards, various tubes and wires were going in and out from under the sheet that Barney had been covered in. Ted could see one inserted just beneath his collarbone, peeking over the sheet. The other parts of Barney's body not covered by the sheet were covered in various white dressings and bandages. All of them injuries... not one inch spared, Ted thought to himself, fighting the rising lump in his throat. Slowly, he walked closer towards the bed until he was standing right above Barney, could make out the bruise high on his cheekbone, the split lip closing around the ventilator, and what Ted would swear was a tear stain on the side of his face. Ted could feel the tears rising to his eyes, and he took a deep breath to hold them back. Reaching out, he pushed the sheet back a little, exposing Barney's arm, the unbroken one, yet still swathed in bandages from his elbow down. He could make out the IV line, flowing medication and fluids into Barney's broken body through a thick catheter inserted into his vein. Gently, Ted reached for his friend's hand, encasing his own warm fingers around Barney's much too cold ones. It was then that he saw it, a couple of missing nails on Barney's usually perfectly manicured hand. Without letting go, Ted cried.

* * *

Ted sat numbly on the cold hard bench outside Barney's room. Marshall was a blubbering wreck beside him, having just recently come out from seeing Barney. Lily held onto Marshall from the other side, tears staining her cheeks, but somehow summoning up the mental strength to comfort Marshall. Robin had been the last one to see Barney. It was almost as if she was trying to take the next important spot after Ted had taken the first. She was expressionless as she walked out now, though her red eyes betrayed her composure. She was just like Barney in so many ways, both being ones to put on a strong facade, holding up a smile to the world when they were breaking inside. Ted wondered for just how long Barney held up that smile, that metal exterior of awesomeness and indifference in the past week, going through whatever it was that would've led him to look the way he did now. Suddenly feeling a wave of nausea, he reached out to Robin who had seated herself on the other side of him. The physical contact caused her to look over to him, haunted eyes staring directly into his own.

"He's going to pull through... it's Barney," he heard his own voice speak out, unsure if it was meant to reassure Robin or himself. She continued to look directly into him, then suddenly turned away, letting his words disappear into the piercing silence.

* * *

They stayed overnight at the hospital, dozing off on the cold plastic benches outside the ICU, mindful of every noise and commotion and fearing each time that it was Barney. In the morning Barney was able to be moved into a regular room where they could stay with him. His blood pressure had risen back to the normal ranges and the doctors were starting to wean him off the sedatives. The ventilator and eye tape had also been removed and Ted sighed in relief to see his friend looking much more alive than yesterday. Barney's cheeks were now flushed red, a sign of fever, certainly not a healthy sign, but yet a definite improvement from yesterday's grey pallor. Occasionally he would show signs of waking, slight flickers under his closed eyelids, or a curling of his fingers. Once or twice they caught Barney's eyes opening slightly, but they always closed again as his body drowned back into unconsciousness. It was around midday when Barney finally woke up. The four of them had been sitting vigilant at his bedside the whole morning, waiting, watching every movement in hope. Ted had just been about to ask the nurse, who had came in to check Barney's temperature, how much longer it was expected to take for Barney to sleep off the drugs when he stirred again. This time his eyes opened fully, bright blue orbs scanning his surroundings in confusion. All four of them were on their feet at once, surrounding him.

"I'll go get the doctor," the nurse informed them, dashing out the room. Ted gently touched Barney's shoulder, mindful of his injuries.

"Barney?" Ted asked cautiously, trying to catch the man's attention. Barney's eyes locked onto his for a moment, a bewildered expression crossing his features. Then he looked away again, eyes continuing to dart wildly around the room, wide with fear.

"Barney, it's okay, you're in the hospital, you're safe now," Ted reassured him, biting back his tears.

"Hurts...sorry..." Barney croaked painfully, tears beginning to form at the corner of his eyes, voice hoarse from underuse and trauma. Ted was struggling to find the right words to respond with when the doctor arrived. Ted moved aside slightly to make way, but kept his hand on Barney's shoulder.

"Mr. Stinson, can you tell me your name?" the doctor prompted Barney, shining a pen light into his eyes and making more tears stream down his cheeks as he tried to turn his head away.

"Mr Stinson?" the doctor asked again when Barney didn't respond.

"I think he's in pain," Ted offered, gently squeezing his friend's shoulder. On the other side he could see Lily softly stroking Barney's fingers with her thumb as she held on to him.

"Okay then, Mr. Stinson," the doctor responded, grabbing a control amidst the tubes and wires and pressing the button before placing it into Barney's hand. "If you feel pain, just keep pressing the button. We'll try again later when hopefully you'll be feeling a bit better."

"He's going to be a bit drowsy for now, just let him rest," he told the rest of them. "We'll keep adjusting his medication accordingly and hopefully will in time work out the right combination to keep him relatively comfortable and awake. Call me again when he wakes up and I'll try the mental assessment again. Otherwise, he looks like he's making good progress for now," he finished before walking out.

Barney blinked heavily at them a few more times before his eyes flickered shut once more. Beside him, Ted heard Lily whisper out the question at the edge of everyone's lips.

"What happened to you Barney?"

* * *

Barney woke a few more times over the next couple of hours, each time the nurses rushing in to make the necessary notes and adjustments to his medication whilst the doctor attempted to prompt more conversation out of him. However, he remained unresponsive, as though lost in his own haze of pain and suffering. The group themselves had tried to talk to him as well, but aside from locking his pained and tear-filled eyes with theirs to acknowledge their presence, he didn't utter a single word. They had just been discussing who to send to fetch dinner when Barney awoke again, eliciting a single sob which caught their attention.

"I'll get the doc," Marshall said, running out of the room.

"Hey Barney, feeling better?" Lily asked him, rising to stand at his side and taking his hand into hers. Ted and Robin turned their focus accordingly and went to stand by the bed, too.

Barney looked around wildly in terror again, almost as if he was expecting something or someone awful to be there. However, after scanning the room a few rounds, he finally settled on silently starring at them with watery eyes instead. A breathless Marshall returned moments later, doctor and nurse in tow.

"Mr. Stinson, you seem to be feeling better," the doctor said to Barney as he made his way over, once again shining his penlight into the latter's eyes and making him whimper in the process.

"Alright, I'm sorry," he apologized, turning it off as Barney turned his head away from the doctor as far as his neck would allow to face Ted instead.

"Now can you tell me your name?" the doctor asked. Barney remained silent, pouting miserably as he stared at Ted instead.

"How about your address?" the doctor prompted again. Still no response. The four friends exchanged worried glances with the doctor before Ted bent himself down slightly to be on the same level as Barney, locking his eyes on his own.

"Hey buddy, you don't need to be scared, you're safe now," he reassured him, smiling at him gently. "Do you know my name?" he asked now, praying to any God out there that Barney would remember. Barney's eyes shifted over to look at the doctor, before returning to Ted.

"Ted," he answered, barely above a whisper.

"That's great buddy!" Ted smiled in relief. "How about them?" he asked again, this time pointing to Lily, Marshall and Robin. Barney responded accordingly, looking at each one of them as he whispered their names before returning his focus to Ted. Ted looked over at the doctor and nodded, indicating that Barney had gotten each of them correct.

"How about your own name? Do you know what your own name is?" the doctor asked now, waiting patiently for Barney to respond. Barney looked at Ted questioningly, as if seeking permission or reassurance, Ted wasn't sure, but he nodded at Barney in encouragement.

"Barney... Barney Stinson," he now answered the doctor, finally turning his head away from Ted to face him.

"Well how are we Mr. Barney Stinson?" the doctor smiled, "What about your address? Where do you live?"

This time, Barney answered back straight away, giving the doctor the address to his apartment. The doctor nodded again, smiling at the positive sign.

"Okay Barney, I'm going to let you rest now," he told him before turning to Ted. "Can I speak with you outside?" Ted nodded, following the doctor out the door.

* * *

"Is he okay?" Ted asked the doctor as soon as the door was shut. "It's just not like him to be like this... I mean, last time he was hit by a bus and broke nearly all the bones in his body, and he was still a running commentary when he came to. I guess he's scared... but..."

"So it's not normal for him to be shy or apprehensive?" the doctor asked him. Ted shook his head, no. Barney was definitely not usually a shy or apprehensive person. On the contrary, quite the opposite.

"Well, it seems he has probably been somewhat affected psychologically judging by his responses today, especially if, as you say, it's not usual for him to be like this. From the state in which he was found, we can tell he's been through some unspeakable trauma, and everyone responds to trauma differently, so some apprehension is to be expected. For now I can see that his comprehension and long term memory seems intact, which is good news, but we won't be able to get a thorough analysis of his mental state until we find out what actually happened to him. I'll have a psychologist evaluate him tomorrow morning so we best understand his needs emotionally."

Ted nodded in agreement. "The police... they want to interview him I think..."

"See if they can postpone it until after the psychological evaluation," the doctor recommended. "The best thing for him right now is to rest up and feel supported. Try not to bring up anything provoking or emotionally stressful for him. The psychologist will do that with him tomorrow, so there's no need for that now. He'll probably sleep through the rest of today as his body is recovering, and he's still running a slight fever, so just let him rest."

Ted thanked the doctor and bid him farewell before re-entering Barney's room. The nurse was still there, looking at various machines and equipment and making notes on Barney's chart. Lily was stroking Barney's hair and whispering what Ted assumed were words of comfort to him, as the latter continued to stare around the room, every now and again flicking his gaze shyly towards the nurse before quickly looking away again. His eyes caught Ted's as Ted made his way over and he whimpered softly in a gesture to get Ted's attention.

"What is it Barney?" Ted bent over to ask him, turning his ear towards Barney when he opened his mouth to respond.

"I...I need to pee..."

Ted smiled. "I think the nice nurse can help you with that one buddy," he told Barney, before alerting the nurse to Barney's 'problem'.

"Mr. Stinson has a catheter in place," she told them in a no nonsense tone, "you only feel like you have to urinate, but you don't," she said to Barney. Barney's face fell and he frowned miserably.

"No, don't want," he told her, looking over to Ted for help.

"Sorry Mr. Stinson, unless the doctor states otherwise, it is staying in," she informed him.

"No..." he whinged again, "please?" he begged, sniffling dramatically this time and pulling his arm away as she tried to access his IV port.

"Mr. Stinson, it is staying in. Now please," she scolded him, causing Barney to timidly extend his arm back out to her.

"Poor buddy, it's okay, I understand, catheters are nasty stuff aren't they," Ted commiserated as Barney sniffed indignantly at the nurse.

"Mmmhmm, how dare they treat Barnacle Jr like that," Marshall agreed, patting Barney reassuringly on his cast. The nurse tutted sternly at them, making one last note on his chart before leaving them. Ted and Marshall burst into some much needed giggles as she left, and the girls rolled their eyes at the two, though smiling.

"Oh Barney, it's okay, they'll take it out soon enough," Lily reassured him, giving him a kiss of comfort on his cheek. Barney sniffed unhappily a couple more times before exhaustion took over and lulled him to sleep once more.

* * *

The psychologist came early the next morning as promised. They had debated renting a nearby hotel room to stay at overnight, but had given up once they realized that none of them wanted to leave the hospital. In the end, the nurse put up a single makeshift bed for them to share in Barney's room and they took turns dozing on the bed. Now they all sat wearily outside whilst the psychologist was examining Barney, worry and concern on everyone's mind. In the moments when Barney had been lucid enough to respond to them they had confirmed amongst themselves that he definitely had his memory intact, and his intelligence didn't seem to have been affected. He certainly seemed to understand and comprehend all the medical terms the nurses and doctors had used when conversing with him. However, something was definitely amiss. It wasn't only that he didn't speak as much as Barney normally would, or that he hadn't made any dirty jokes since he had woken up – those kinds of reactions could be attributed to the sensitivity of having gone through whatever horrors had led him to be found in such a condition. But it was his expressions that were the most haunting... he looked so... frightened... so innocent...and so open. Almost too open, as if someone had broken down every wall, every practiced expression Barney Stinson had built up over the years and left him a blank piece of paper, his mind perfectly on display for everyone to see. And that... was just so not Barney Stinson.

The sound of Barney's door opening drew their attention and they all stood up as the psychologist approached them. Ted felt Robin's hand clinging onto his elbow for support and he drew her closer, readying himself for the results. Somehow, this felt like seeing Barney's doctor for the first time after he had been found all over again.

"Mr. Mosby?" Ted nodded.

"I've just finished assessing Barney Stinson." Ted nodded again as the psychologist paused, heart thumping much too quickly against own his ribcage. "The good news is that his memory is intact, and his intelligence doesn't seem to have been affected, which is great. It indicates that physically, there is no structural damage from the concussion. However..." the psychologist paused again, and Ted felt his heart speed up, if that was even possible. "However, when a person faces extreme and traumatic situations... their minds can revoke different reactions in order to cope with the stress. One particular reaction is for the mind to bring itself back to an associative traumatic event, and the mental status is altered to be the same as it was during the initial trauma."

Ted held his breath.

"What does that mean?" Robin asked, unable to process the jargon and impatient for the truth.

"Mr. Stinson has regressed. He currently has the mind of a child."

* * *

They filed solemnly into the room, all eyes fixated on the figure sitting timidly on the bed, hands tugging and fidgeting with the blanket covering him, as if a haunting reminder of the psychologist's words... the very words that had broken their world, cut deep into their hearts and told them that nothing was going to be the same again... at least not for a while.

"_His mind is around that of someone four to five years old. Although his intelligence is intact, his mind cannot process thoughts like an adult, cannot process emotions like an adult."_

He stared at them now, curiously, apprehensively... fearfully?

"_He does not remember anything from the past week, it seems his mind has thoroughly repressed those memories to protect itself, but he remembers everything before that, his childhood, his adult life... He will probably sense that something is different from before, but he won't be able to understand how or why it's different... and with the mind of a child, he doesn't have the control his adult self has in reaction to certain situations."_

The silence consumed the room, no one knowing what to say... the silence was loud, deafening...

"_Regression can be a sign of an earlier trauma that was never resolved. It may or may not be related to the current trauma... but the severity of Mr. Stinson's regression suggests there may be a large chance his recent trauma is related to whatever happened to him in the past."_

"_So... like Revertigo? ...That's when if you're around someone in your past, you start acting like you were at that time."_

"_Perhaps... except whatever he's faced, it has been so severe that his mind is unable to snap out of that mindset even after the event."_

Several times, someone cleared their throat, attempting to crack the all-consuming silence, but no one knew what to say.

"_Will he ever get better?"_

"_Maybe... it is different with every case."_

"_How long? If he gets better... becomes Barney again... normal Barney, how long does it take?"_

"_Could be a week, could be ten years..."_

Finally it was Barney that broke the silence, a small heartbreaking voice that sounded nothing like their over-confident friend who had convinced the world and himself that he was awesome...

"I'm sorry."

Lily was the first to react. Gently she reached out to cradle his face in her palm.

"What for?" she asked him, looking deep into his deep blue orbs only to find an all too real sadness reflecting back at her. He shrugged slowly, eyes darting around, lips opening and closing as if trying to process thoughts into words, but somehow unable to.

"I'm sorry," he said again, this time a tear making its way out of the corner one eye, "...please don't leave."

Lily pulled him into her embrace, careful not to hurt him.

"We're here for you, I promise..." She glanced at the rest of the group, her husband, her best friends... "all of us."


	2. Painting A Picture

**Painting a Picture**

_Hey Jude, don't make it bad,  
__Take a sad song, and make it better...  
__- The Beatles, Hey Jude._

"Barney, would you like to tell us what happened in the last two weeks?"

Barney turned to hide his face into the pillow, refusing to look towards the psychologist.

After being alerted to Barney's regression, the police department had agreed to postpone the mandatory interview for a couple of days, although they did remind the group that whoever had attacked Barney was still on the loose and every delay in gaining potentially useful information could mean more danger for him. Barney himself had only displayed reluctance to talk about the subject and had either pretended he didn't hear them or completely panicked at any attempts the group themselves had made to bring it up. Other than that, he had been healing and adjusting well once they had realized he required the same attention and encouragement one needed to give a child. In the past days he had been speaking out more and had even been happily smiling and laughing at times with them. In particular he had developed an attachment to Lily, the kindergarden teacher probably being the most comfortable out of the group with interacting with him on this level. Now she sat with him as a source of comfort and familiarity whilst the police assigned psychologist conducted the interview. She had introduced herself as Amy, a child psychologist, whom they thought would be more fitting given Barney's delicate mental status. However, Barney was still shutting down as Amy attempted to question him.

"Nobody knows where you were... can you tell us?" Amy tried again.

No answer.

"Did... someone hurt you Barney?"

A whimper. Then... silence.

"It's okay, nobody's going to hurt you now, this is just between the three of us, okay?"

Barney only shut his eyes tighter, and reached out his hand towards Lily. She took it into her own, gently squeezing in comfort.

"No more," he finally mumbled, sniffling.

Amy smiled and reached over to her bag.

"Okay Barney, no more questions then. How about we draw some pictures? Do you like drawing pictures?" she asked him, taking out a pad of white paper and some coloring pencils and markers, placing them onto the table before them. Barney didn't respond, but Lily felt his hand shifting, contemplating. Finally he peeked out at Amy.

"Lily likes drawing..." he told her in a small voice.

"Oh, she does?" Amy prompted, smiling at him to continue. He shyly buried his face again and remained silent for a few moments before seemingly coming to a decision.

"She's an artist," he told Amy, now fully turning his head to face her. "Dogs like her paintings... but birds don't." Lily stifled a giggle, affectionately ruffling his hair while the psychologist gave them both a puzzled look.

"What about you Barney?" she prompted him again. "Can you draw something for us?"

Barney bit his lip, turning to look at Lily nodded at him in encouragement.

"I don't know what to draw," he answered, pouting. Amy looked at him, putting on an expression of deep thought. "Hmm... how about you draw us a picture of things you like? What's something you like Barney?"

Barney thought for a moment, before breaking into a grin.

"I like my friends," he exclaimed, lifting his hand that was intertwined with Lily's, as if for confirmation.

"Okay, how about you draw us a picture of your friends then?" Amy suggested, picking up a pencil and offering it to Barney. Barney smiled, letting go of Lily to take the pencil and start drawing on the pad of paper. He began with five stick figures, two of them in dresses. Then he drew smiling faces on all of them. Picking up the brown, he proceeded to draw some hair onto one of the girls.

"Who's that?" Amy asked him as he colored in concentration.

"It's Robin," he answered simply, now picking up the pencil to draw a gun in the brunette's hand. "She likes guns," he explained, "because she's Canadian. Which is really uncool. Not liking guns, being Canadian. But Robin's cool... and not just for a Canadian. She's the second most awesome person ever," he finished, now using a red pencil to color a dress for Robin.

He continued to draw the rest of the group, introducing each one to the Amy as he drew them. When he got to Lily, he smiled brightly at her before drawing a paintbrush into one of her hands and a credit card in the other. "She likes shopping," he shrugged nonchalantly when Amy questioned him about it.

After he finished all five, himself included, he moved on to draw James and Loretta, then suits, and stormtroopers, cigars, scotch, Bob Barker and a laser tag gun. Lily was beginning to worry that next on the list would be boobs when Amy finally took the paper from him.

"Wow, that's beautiful, Barney," she exclaimed, "you sure like a lot of... interesting things!"

Barney giggled and shyly leaned into Lily again. Amy flipped the pad over and placed a fresh piece of paper before him. "Now how about we draw something we don't like?" she suggested. "What don't you like Barney?"

Barney paused, deep in thought, before picking up the pencil again. Slowly, almost painfully, he drew a rectangle, then another rectangle outside surrounding it, and finally two circles on the bottom.

"That's.. interesting..." Amy prompted. Barney pouted, looking to Lily for support.

"It's a bus."

"A bus?"

"He had a bus accident a couple of years back," Lily filled in for him. "Luckily it was right outside the hospital so help got to him pretty fast." Barney nodded.

"I thought Ted was dying so I didn't see the bus," he added sheepishly. Amy smiled at him.

"Well I'm glad you got better," she comforted. "Now, is there anything else you don't like besides buses?"

Barney picked up the pencil again, drawing other shapes and figures, taking the time to color in some and leaving others as mere scribbles. Amy left him to doodle, occasionally asking him questions, but generally letting him express himself when he wanted to. Lily watched with interest, a wry smile making its way to her lips when she saw him draw a subway train, and remembered the time Barney had been stuck on one after he had finished the New York marathon. Her heart broke slightly when she saw an airplane, and he informed them that he didn't like people saying goodbye and leaving. And her interest was definitely piqued when he drew a figure at a news desk, sans pants, with a brown haired girl next to him that looked suspiciously like one brunette reporter they all knew very well (and he made sure to point an arrow at the man, not the girl). He also drew an assortment of other items, including a torn suit, a large hand made to look like a turkey, which made Lily feel slightly guilty, and a mechanical bull (though they couldn't really tell until Barney told them what it was). Lily had begun to wonder when Amy would stop him when she suddenly felt him tense up, hand trembling as he picked up a large black marker, hovering hesitantly over the piece of paper. He drew in a shaky breath, pushing the marker roughly onto the paper and drawing a large stick figure, covering all his other drawings on the page. Almost in a trance, he began to paint hard black strokes onto the page, gripping the marker so tight Lily could see his knuckles turning white. Unable to stand the turmoil radiating from her friend, she reached over to snap him out of it, but Amy stopped her, signaling for her to leave him be a few moments more. It was only when Lily could no longer make out anything on the page except for the overwhelming darkness that he finally stopped, throwing down the marker to glare challengingly at the paper, heaving in exhaustion.

"Who is that, Barney?" Amy asked now, placing one hand under his chin to turn his head and shift his focus from the drawing to herself. His eyes glanced over into hers for a split second, before darting wildly around the room, almost as if in fear. Letting out a despairing sob, he leapt onto Lily, face burying itself in her, fingers digging painfully into her back, desperate, scared. Gently she wrapped her own arms around him, taking care not to hurt him.

"Barney," Amy refused to let him shut down, lifting up the dark-filled picture and turning his face away from Lily's shoulder with her other hand to make him face it.

"Who is this Barney? Why don't you like this person? Did he hurt you?"

He sobbed loudly, breaking down into tears, and struggled to turn away, but the psychologist kept her grip on him, shaking the picture again for emphasis.

"You drew him Barney, who is it? Who hurt you?"

Barney whimpered, stopping his struggles when he realized how futile they were.

"No more... I don't... I can't..." he begged instead.

"I know this is difficult Barney, but you're safe now. This person... he can't hurt you now, okay? You're safe now. But we need to know more about him so we can catch him and make sure he doesn't hurt you or anyone ever again, okay? Can you help us Barney? Please? Can you tell me who it is?"

Amy released her grip on him and he quickly turned his face back into Lily. She could feel the trembles running through his body, each gasp of air he struggled to take as he heaved, the tears now soaking through her shirt and she reached up to massage the back of his neck and run her fingers through the hair on the back of his head in comfort.

"Ry..." It was a silent mumble into Lily's shoulder, almost inaudible, "R...Ryan..."

Amy bit her lip, nodding slowly and scribbling softly into her notepad, though her eyes never left him.

"Thank you Barney," she told him, smiling sadly at him, at the pain she had to cause her patient in order to obtain the necessary information. "Can you tell me anything else about him?" she tried now, knowing it was probably a futile exercise, but trying nonetheless. He shook his head, still unwilling to lift away from the comfort and safety of Lily's shoulder.

"No more... no more please..." he whimpered instead, and she nodded.

"Okay Barney, no more, I won't ask anymore," she reassured him, then turning to Lily, "I think that's all we'll be able to get out of him today, thank you for your time," she said to her, bidding farewell before gathering the paper and pens from the table into her bag, purposely leaving Barney's drawing of the things he liked for him, and exiting the room.

Once they were alone, Lily tried to pull Barney away from her to look at him, but he held fast, refusing to let go. Giving in, she lifted herself onto his bed, wrapped her arms around him again, and stayed with him until he fell asleep.


	3. My Brother's Keeper

**My Brother's Keeper**

_Blackbird singing in the dead of night_  
_Take these broken wings and learn to fly_  
_All your life_  
_You were only waiting for this moment to arise_

_- The Beatles, Blackbird._

"There we go, all done," the doctor commented as he finished up a stitch on Barney's shoulder, placing a waterproof dressing over the wound. "That wasn't so bad, was it?" he now asked cheerily, trying to placate his unhappy charge.

Barney sniffed and buried his face into the pillow, exhausted from his own tears. Lily, who was sitting by the bed smiled gently, reaching out her hand to ruffle his hair before leaning over to kiss him on the cheek. The doctor had been cleaning and stitching up some of the numerous wounds on Barney's back and shoulders. It was a slow process, having to clean and dress the wounds each day, finding the ones that were clear of debris and infection to stitch up, and checking the ones too wide for stitches to see if they were healing as an open wound. It was also a painful process for the patient and heartbreaking to watch as a friend. Still they tried to be there with him through the procedures as much as possible, holding his hand and talking him through it as he whimpered and begged for them to "stop" and that "it hurt". It was still strange to see Barney in this state, so open and readable, his emotions and pain displayed clearly for everyone to see and know. Ted remembered back to Barney's bus accident a couple of years back, when Barney would clench his jaw tightly, hand pumping the morphine drip in futility all the while assuring everyone that he was awesome because "when Barney Stinson hurts, he just stops hurting and becomes awesome instead." But that was Barney then, and this now was regressed Barney – a Barney who had been so badly hurt, no, _tortured_, by someone that his mind could no longer do "be awesome instead". Could not even do normal "hurting", but had regressed back to that of a scared little child in order just to cope. Now Ted watched as Barney clung to Lily whilst she whispered reassuring words into his ear, lulling him to rest, and Ted smiled thinking of how the normal Barney would balk and shudder at such a scene even though, Ted suspected, he would've been secretly enjoying it. The phone vibrating in his pocket broke him out of his thoughts and he pulled it out to see who it was.

James.

Ted quickly leapt to his feet. "I... I have to take this," he announced before racing out the door and down the corridor to an exit.

* * *

"Ted, where's Barney?" James greeted him as soon as he picked up. James' voice was low, missing its usual flamboyance and hiding a hint of...panic? "Ted?" he asked again when Ted didn't respond.

"James, yes... look James, you need get here now, something's happened," Ted answered, snapping out of his thoughts.

"I'm already in New York, got on the first flight I could. Where are you guys, what's happened? Is Barney okay?"

"We're at a hospital in New Jersey, don't worry, Barney is... alive," Ted answered, giving James the address. "Look, I'll let you know the details when you get here, just hurry."

Two of the detectives working on Barney's case were already waiting with Ted in the lobby of the hospital when James arrived, his luggage in tow.

"Ted? Where's Barney?" he asked as soon as he spotted them, hastily making his way over. He scanned the officers. "Why're they here? Is Barney okay? I need to see Barney," he panicked, trying to push his way past Ted to the receptionist. Ted gently pulled him back.

"Calm down James, Barney's okay for now, he's not in any danger."

"Mr. James Stinson? Are you Barney Stinson's brother?" one of the detectives spoke up, looking questioningly at Ted. Ted and James nodded at the same time, but the detective continued to look confused.

"I know, I'm black, Barney's white, but he's my real brother, we share the same Mom," James explained impatiently. The detective finally nodded.

"Well, in that case, I'm Detective Campbell and this is Detective Smith. We're investigating your brother Barney Stinson's case."

"What case?" asked James.

"Your brother was found a week ago, gravely injured by the side of the highway. Before that Mr. Mosby had reported him missing for a week. From the evidence we have, and the details of his injuries, we believe he may have been the victim of a kidnapping and assault. As his brother, you may be able to assist us in gaining some leads on his case."

"Barney's hurt?" James turned to Ted. Ted nodded, pulling the older man to sit down onto one of the waiting room benches.

"He's hurt pretty badly James, but the doctor says he should be able to recover in time... physically..."

"But if he's okay, then why can't Barney tell you guys what happened?"

Ted sighed, swallowing to keep down the lump rising in his throat.

"Barney... doesn't remember what happened. He's... the psychologist said that whatever he went through... it was so traumatizing that his mind is unable to cope, so he doesn't remember anything from the ordeal..."

James stood up again. "Ted, I have to see him."

"Wait... that's not all of it. Barney...he's... the psychologist said..." Ted sighed. "He's regressed." James shook his head, not quite understanding.

"His mind has regressed to that of a four to five year old child. The psychologist said that sometimes... when people face trauma, they... that can happen. He's... different now James. His mind... it doesn't think like Barney."

James sat down again, this time to keep himself from collapsing.

"This is why we need your help Mr. Stinson. Sometimes, regression can occur due to an event that triggers memories of similar trauma in the past, so the person will regress to the age when the trauma first occurred," spoke up Detective Campbell. "Did you know of anything traumatic that may have occurred in Barney's life when he was younger? Or perhaps, you know someone by the name of Ryan?"

"Ryan?" James took a shaky breath.

"Yes, we had one of our child psychologists assess your brother, trying to prompt some leads from him, and in the process, your brother seemed to respond rather negatively to a person named Ryan. We believe this person may be responsible, or at least played a part in what happened to your brother."

"No... it... no... " James whispered under his breath, burying his head into his hands.

"Pardon, Mr. Stinson?" James rose to look at the officers again.

"R...Ryan Wilson... is the name of the man you're looking for. I... We were on a family trip to Milan, my partner, my son, and I, and we only got back last night to check the messages on our answering machine. Barney had left some, but his last one was from around two weeks ago, and all it said was that Ryan contacted him... and for me to call him back. He sounded terrified. I couldn't get through on his phone, so I got on to the next plane I could find to New York, and that's when I called you," he told them, motioning to Ted.

"No wonder... we've been trying to reach you this whole week," commented Ted.

"Do you have any more information on Ryan Wilson?" the detective asked. James nodded uneasily.

"He's african american, maybe... six foot? Quite bulky, well, last time I saw him. Around... mid fifties now? He may have a criminal record, I'm not entirely sure. Look, I can tell you everything I know, but I really need to see my brother," James pleaded. Detective Campbell nodded as he took down the notes onto a pad.

"We'll go on what you've said for now and see if we come up with anything, especially since, as you said, he may have a criminal record. I'll come up to complete the interview with you later." James nodded and thanked the detectives, before turning to Ted and prompting him to lead the way.

* * *

Barney was concentrating on what Lily was doodling on his cast when James walked in to the room, Ted in tow.

"Barnaby?" he asked, wincing when he saw all the bandages, dressings, cast and tubes on his little brother.

"James!" Barney happily exclaimed, reaching out his free arm towards him.

"Hey Barnaby," James greeted him again, this time walking over to envelop him into a hug. Barney winced when James accidentally brushed the open wounds on his back and James quickly let go, cupping his hand under his brother's chin to study the fading bruise on his cheek and the cut on his forehead. "You look like you've been through the wars little bro." Barney smiled.

"Look, Lily is drawing me a Yoda," he held up his cast proudly to show James.

"That's great Barnaby! Hey Lily," he greeted her now. "Robin, Marshall," he turned to greet the others in turn, noticing how tired each of his brother's friends looked, and thankful that Barney had such good friends to look after him. Looking back to his brother, James gently lifted Barney's chin again, this time to look him in the eye. "Barney... this is important, and I'm here, so you're safe, okay? Did... Ryan hurt you?" Barney whimpered, and tried to pull away from him, but James placed his other hand on the back of Barney's neck to stop him.

"Noo..." Barney protested, shaking his head as tears began to fall from his eyes.

"Barney, I need you to tell me if it was Ryan," James repeated, this time more sternly. Barney sobbed and tried to pull away unsuccessfully again.

"Barney's a good boy," he told James tearfully, "no... Barney's a bad boy... he said Barney was a bad boy..."

"So it was him?"

Barney shook his head again. "No..." he whimpered. James gripped his brother hard in frustration.

"Come on Barney, you were the one who called me, left the message on my answering machine saying Ryan was back, remember? I need to know if he was the one that hurt you, think Barney. I know you're scared but you don't have to protect him, just tell us if it was him, was it Ryan who-"

Barney's wail interrupted James, the younger erupting into tears, futilely trying to push James' hand away with his unbroken arm.

"No... no, scared, no.. please don't make me say, please..." he begged, coughing from the strain, which made him sob harder as his injuries were painfully jarred. James immediately stopped when his brother broke down, Ted's words on Barney's mental condition only then really sinking in. Quickly, he pulled Barney into a hug instead, being careful not to hurt him any further.

"I'm so sorry Barnaby, I'm sorry... okay, no more, baby bro, I'm not going to ask anymore, I'm sorry," he apologized as his brother sobbed against him, feeling one of Barney's hands clinging tightly onto his shirt at the back. Eventually, he managed to calm his brother down, gently laying him back down onto the bed, red rimmed eyes and tear stains streaking down his cheeks. The others in the room had gone silent, no one daring to disturb them. James sighed at his brother's sullen expression, then smiled as he remembered something and turned to open his luggage bag.

"Look Barnaby," he started, whilst rummaging around in his luggage, "in Milan we visited this tailor who also specialized in handmade soft toys. We went mainly for Eli, but then Eli said that he wanted one made especially for his favorite Uncle Barney as well, so we got you this," James fished out a intricately detailed plush stormtrooper, and held it out to Barney. Barney pondered the doll speculatively, as if contemplating whether it was a bribe to force more information out of him. James smiled, his brother had always been intelligent like that, even as a kid. "Don't you want it? I'll take it back to Eli if you don't," he threatened amusingly now, prompting Barney to finally reach his hand out to grab the doll and hug it tight against his own chest.

"Thank-you James," he whispered shyly, ducking his face into the stormtrooper's soft helmet. James reached down to ruffle his hair.

"You're welcome Barnaby. I'm sorry for making you cry baby bro, okay?"

Barney nodded, giving James a small smile before tugging at Marshall who was sitting on the other side of the bed.

"Look Marshall, a stormtrooper!"

Marshall smiled back. "That's awesome Barney! Can I... can I look at it?... I promise I'll be careful," he added when Barney hesitated.

Barney studied the toy, then Marshall again, before nodding and holding it out. Marshall carefully took the doll, eyes lighting up in childish wonder as he saw it close up.

"Wow... this is really awesome James! Like... really awesome! Lily.. can we-"

"No Marshall, we're not going all the way to Milan for a Chewbacca replica doll," Lily answered him automatically, causing Marshall to frown sadly before reluctantly handing the stormtrooper back to Barney. James chuckled at the couple and Barney held the doll as far away from Marshall as possible, eyeing him suspiciously.

* * *

It was late afternoon by the time Detective Campbell came back for the interview. Lily and Robin were attempting a crossword puzzle inside a copy of Cosmo they had found in the lobby of their hotel, while the boys were involved in a lively debate over Jar Jar Binks as a Star Wars character (well, it was actually more like a combined rant – and Robin called it a boy's bitching session). Barney had fallen asleep a few moments earlier, after making James promise he was still going to be here when he woke up. Upon seeing the detective arrive, the others all got up to give them some privacy, but James called them back.

"Apart from me and Mom, you guys are the most important people in Barney's life, you all deserve to know the truth too," he told them, signaling for them to sit back down onto the makeshift bed the nurses had allowed them to keep in Barney's room for the time being. The detective pulled up a chair from outside into the room and took a seat in the corner.

"Detective Smith is still going through the files on Ryan Wilson from our records," he informed James, who nodded. "What we need to know is of what relation is Ryan to Barney?"

James sighed gently, biting his lip before taking the main seat beside Barney's bed.

"Ryan was Mom's boyfriend..." James began, using his hand to gently grasp Barney's fingers into his own and stroking them comfortingly," and not just one of her usual flings and one nighters – Ryan was in our lives for ten whole months."

James paused as Barney stirred, his unbroken arm shifting slightly before he fell back asleep. James adjusted the stormtrooper Barney was holding before continuing. "I was seven at the time, and Barney was four, turning five. Like any other kid, he was just excited about starting school soon, especially since he saw me going. He would wait by the door every day for me to come home and demand to know all the details. I think even before he started school he already knew all the teacher's names, as well as everyone in my class..." James smiled fondly at the memory. "Anyway, Ryan came into our lives around that time. At first we didn't think much of it, even at that age we were pretty used to Mom bringing home different men for variable amounts of time. They never stayed long, and most of them didn't really bother with us, but Ryan was different. He would bring us gifts, and play baseball with me in the yard, and best of all, it seemed to me at the time, was simply the fact that he stayed around and didn't leave us like all the other men. Mom was happy in a way we'd never seen her be before. She stopped drinking as much, and was home more often. Of course, she still had work waitressing at the local Cafe in the daytime, and Ryan, well, I don't know what he did for a living, but he mostly worked at night, so eventually with him being home in the daytime, Mom stopped taking us to the babysitter's and asked Ryan to look after us instead. I didn't really mind, I liked Ryan and he was fantastic to me. I remember one time when we were playing baseball in the park and he said to me: 'You, me and your Mom, James, we're going to be a family.' I remember asking him 'And Barney too?' which he nodded to. I probably should have noticed something, but I was a kid, and what he said to me, it was everything I had dreamed of forever. A proper family with a mother and a father..." James closed his eyes in reminiscence before reaching his hand out to idly brush Barney's hair to the side from his forehead.

"It was a few months before I started noticing the bruising, just small marks here and there, poking out the side of his sleeves, or on his back when he bent over. I thought nothing of it, just ruffled his hair and teased him about being a klutz. But then it got worst. Broken wrists, fingers, ribs, collar bone... Ryan would tell us these fantastic recounts of how Barney tripped up running after a squirrel they saw at the park, or how he fell from the stairs whilst trying to fly with his homemade wings, so Mom attributed them mostly to just Barney getting older and starting to do more accident prone things. As for me, I was actually kind of jealous Barney was getting to spend so much time doing all these seemingly cool activities with Ryan while I was at school." James stopped, swallowing hard to fight down the tears as he tightly squeezed his brother's hand in his own, leaning over to whisper into Barney's ear, 'I'm so sorry baby Bro...'. He felt a gentle hand grip his shoulder and looked up to see Lily beside him, eyes beckoning him to continue, to be strong for Barney's sake.

"So Ryan had been with us for around half a year when he proposed to Mom in our dining room. I remember beaming happily as Mom accepted, ecstatic that I was about to have a full time father, and someone as cool as Ryan, too. Barney, who was standing next to me, turned to me and asked me what "marry" meant. I remember telling him that Ryan was going to live with us forever now and that he was going to be our Daddy. Maybe I was too caught up in my own happiness at the time to make a big deal of it, but thinking back, I would never forget the terror stricken expression that crossed his face in that moment, the trembling as he clung onto me and whispered that he didn't want Ryan as his Daddy. All I did at the time was hold him and told him to be quiet and to let Mom and Ryan enjoy the moment."

James paused again, sighing. "I should've know, I should've seen it... how could I not have noticed?" he accused himself, letting go of Barney's hand to bury his face into his own. The room was quiet for a long time, James distinctly aware that the only sound was that of his own sobs. He was embarrassed, but too caught up in pain to care. Finally, it was Marshall's voice that broke the silence.

"You were only a child back then... and this Ryan, he manipulated you...you were as much a victim as Barney was. That was then. It happened. Now, you have to make sure it never happens again."

James sniffed, letting the words sink in. Grasping Barney's hand into his own once again, he continued... he owed it to Barney.

"So two months later, there was a pretty serious fire in one of the classrooms at my school and the parents were contacted to bring us home if possible. Since Mom was at work and the phone at home wasn't picking up, no one was coming to get me, but then my friend's Mom offered me a lift, so I took it, thinking that Ryan should be home with Barney so it would be fine. I got home and opened the door, excited to finally be able to join them in their games, when I heard yelling and Barney crying upstairs. I raced up there, thinking he had hurt himself or something and wanting to help when I opened the door and there was Ryan, a belt in his hand standing over my baby brother, bringing it down on him over and over. I was shocked... I didn't know how long I stood at that doorway watching as the belt fell again and again, as Barney screamed and cried. Finally I summoned up the courage to ask Ryan what he was doing, and he said something about Barney being a bad boy... but I couldn't listen anymore... I just couldn't take it anymore… so... I ran away..." James paused again, eyes boring into sleeping Barney's face as tears began to stream down. "Instead of protecting him like a good big brother, I just ran away..." his voice broke, tears now uncontrollable. Everyone stayed silent, patiently giving him the time he needed. Finally, James took a deep breath to compose himself before he continued.

"Anyway, I didn't know where to go, so I just went to the park, the very same one where Ryan had first told me we were going to be a family. He must've known because moments later there he was, sitting next to me and putting his arm around me. I tried to struggle out of it, I didn't want him to touch me after what I had seen, but he was stronger and held me down anyway. So I asked him why, why would he do something like that? And he told me that Barney was being bad, and needed to be taught right. I must've looked unconvinced, because he then told me that me, him and Mom, we were good together, but Barney didn't like him and was going to ruin everything for everyone. I kept silent, out of fear or confusion, I'm not sure... but I nodded when he told me to keep it a secret and we went home. What scared me the most was when I got home, and I expected Barney to be different... to be fearful, or need comforting or something, but he was just sitting there at the desk in our room coloring in a picture... and somehow, that's how I knew... that's how I knew that this wasn't a one off, that this had been happening for a while. All those bruises, the broken bones, they all came back and I knew..." James trailed off, smiling bitterly. On the bed, Barney stirred again, eliciting a small whimper as the movement jarred his numerous injuries. James gently rubbed his shoulder until he fell back into a peaceful doze.

"So I went up to him, to ask him about it, but as soon as he saw me, he just leapt into me, latching on tightly. I could feel his tears soaking through my shirt, his little hands clinging on, his whole body trembling... and I knew I had to do something about it, because he was my little brother, and I had to protect him. So I told Mom. I'm not really sure what happened next, but Ryan and Mom were fighting throughout the night, and next morning, Ryan was packing his things, and Mom took Barney to a babysitter. It was parent-teacher's interview night at my school that day, and usually Mom couldn't be bothered with such things, but she must've been feeling guilty about Barney and me because of Ryan, because she came over to my school afterwards to attend. She told me on the way home that Ryan was leaving us that day and it was going to just be the three of us again, and I was fine with that. So we went over to the babysitter's to pick up Barney after the interview, but the babysitter told us that Ryan had already picked him up earlier... I never felt so panicked and sick before in my life, and Mom must've felt the same way because she just lifted me up, seven years old and growing, and sprinted home with me in her arms. The door was locked, but we could hear the thuds all the way from the outside. I remember Mom's hands fumbling for the keys while I was just pounding on the door trying to knock it down. Eventually we got the door opened and... I can never ever forget the sight. Ryan standing there in the living room, a bloody crow bar in his hand... and he was beating it down onto Barney, over and over... and Barney... he just looked dead..." James' sobs stopped him from continuing. He bent over his brother now, kissing him softly on the cheek, hand running comfortingly through his blonde hair. _He's alive... Barney is alive, he grew up, he's alive_, he chanted softly to himself.

"We burst in and Mom went crazy yelling at Ryan and grabbing the crow bar from him. Eventually we called the cops and Ryan took off. I still remember sitting there holding my bruised and bloodied baby brother in my arms, while we waited an eternity for the ambulance to come," James swallowed, fighting down the nausea that the memory brought up. "He was in a coma for two whole days. I held his little hand in mine the whole time and just prayed. Mom was a mess, as expected... she kept breaking down into fits of tears, but I couldn't comfort her... because I knew I had to keep holding Barney's hand or we would lose him. Eventually he woke up and slowly recovered, and we made sure not to mention Ryan as much as possible with Barney around – we didn't want to trigger any memories in him. He ended up starting school a few months later than usual as a result, but otherwise, he recovered as well as anyone could've hoped... but now..." James trailed off, looking at his brother again, no longer the small child but looking every bit as vulnerable and hurt as he had all those years ago.

"Did you know why he particularly victimized Barney?" the detective questioned, pausing from his note taking for a moment. James shrugged.

"Back then, I didn't really know, I thought maybe it was because Barney never really seemed to take to Ryan like I did... but now thinking back, Ryan always said how Barney didn't fit in to the family of Mom, him and me... and he had always only been particularly nice to me, even from the beginning. So now, I think... I think it was because Ryan was black, and since I'm half black, I fitted in as his son... but Barney... just didn't..."

The room was silent, the injustice of hurting a child just because of his appearance clouding everyone's thoughts.

"So what happened to Ryan?" Robin finally asked, breaking them all out of the haunting mood.

James shook his head. "I'm not sure exactly, but the cops came around a couple of times when Barney was in the hospital to ask questions and stuff... and then one day half a year later, Mom just came home and held us both and told us that Ryan was gone and was never going to hurt us ever again. At the time, I just took her words for it, but as an adult, I just assumed he went to jail or something..."

"Ryan Wilson was charged with assault on a minor causing grievous bodily harm back in 1980 and sentenced to twenty years in prison. The investigations also found that he had been quite heavily involved in some drug dealing activities and he received a further two years. Since then he's been in and out of prison for various crimes, assaults, robbery, drugs, pretty much the lot, though he was released a year ago and has seemed to be staying low since then," Detective Smith filled in from the door where he had been patiently waiting for some time. "They kept the victim as an unnamed minor to protect the child in the courts at the time, but if Mr. Stinson was the one who led to his initial prosecution, revenge could have been the motive behind this recent attack. Especially since we now have evidence of Ryan Wilson having contacted Mr. Stinson before he disappeared."

"But... it has been so many years, why now? And why just Barney? Why not me and Mom also?" James questioned.

"Maybe he never really had a chance until now. Last time he was out of prison it was only for two months, and as for why just Barney, usually if a perpetrator has already marked a victim, like he seems to have from your recount, they have a tendency to victimize the same victim and blame them in acts of vengeance," spoke up Detective Campbell, now leafing through the report Detective Smith had handed to him. "Look, most of this is just speculation now, we'll be sending our men to get leads on Ryan Wilson's whereabouts. If he does contact you, Barney or anyone in your family, let us know straight away. Otherwise, I think we have enough information to work with for now and will be keeping in contact with you should we require more. Thanks for your time," he concluded before walking out with Detective Smith.

James stared after the detectives, unable to think of anything to break the awkward silence in the room and still reeling from his childhood memories. Suddenly, he felt a comforting arm on his shoulder, and looked up gratefully to see Lily looking down supportively at him. The others also rose from their seats and went to surround Barney's bed, Robin reaching out to take Barney's hand into her own.

"Barney's very lucky to have you guys," he mused to them, a half smile finding its way to his lips. Lily stared into Barney's sleeping face sadly, thinking of James' story, and how close Barney came to losing his life, as a child too. And she pondered what life would be like without Barney... would she even be married to Marshall had he not convinced her to come back from San Francisco? Would Ted be half as adventurous and brave in his quest for love without Barney pushing him as his wingman? Would they even know Robin had Barney not been the one to tap her on the shoulder and utter a "Haaave you met Ted?" to her? Or even if they had, would Robin still be with them had he not gotten her a job all on his own when she was about to be deported? Suddenly feeling the need to touch him, Lily reached out her hand to run her fingers soothingly through the sleeping figure's hair.

"No, we're very lucky to have him."


End file.
